I'll Look After You
by Nikki14u
Summary: Summary: Dean will always look after Sam but this time the roles are reversed and Sam must save Dean from himself. Story is set in early season 5.


**Summary:** Dean will always look after Sam but this time the roles are reversed and Sam must save Dean from himself. Story is set in early season 5.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the tv show Supernatural or any of it's character but I do own this story.

**I'll Look After You **

Endless lakes of fire, black and yellow eyes staring at him. Flashbacks to a place that broke his spirit and filled his soul with darkness, the images danced across his eyes as if he were still trapped there. The pain, the despair was so alive that he felt as if he could reach out and touch them. The blond tried to force these pictures out of his mind but no matter how hard he fought them, they always seemed to win. He could hear himself as clear as day begging, pleading, convulsions twisting his body in ways even he had never lay witness to. The pain of being sliced, beat and torn limb from limb made him cringe and silently pray that he would never have to go back.

Hell.

It turned him into something worse then a demon. It turned him into a traitor, a disgrace to the brotherhood of hunters and more importantly, a embarrassment to his fathers memory. For these things he would never be able to forgive himself. Tears slid down his cheeks only to be carried away by the cold night air as he leaned heavily against the cold exterior of the '67 Impala. He could only imagine what his father would say if he could see him now.

_"You're a real fucked up excuse for a hunter boy and an even worse excuse for a man." _the boy said mimicking his father's voice.

"Gee thanks Dad. Now tell me what you really think of me."

_"Well Dean not only have you let me down but you've managed to fuck up the only real job that I ever gave you. Taking care of Sammy. How could you let your brother turn into the very thing that you hunt? A monster, a demon."_

"I know that I screwed up. I know that you're disappointed but what the hell do you want from me? I gave my life for this, for him and every body else that needed me. I've done everything that you've asked and then some. And some how it's just not enough. It's never enough and I'm sorry but I just don't have that much left in me to give. I'm just...tired. And I can't do it any more. I can't save the world."

The man cradled his head in his hands and sank down to the ground. This was the first time in a long time that he allowed himself to display such emotion and for this he felt incredibly weak.

He slowly removed the gun from his side as shame, guilt and anger filled him from head to toe. He then raised it to his temple. Feeling the cold steel against his skin, his eyes closed in a way that begged them to remain in the darkness. His finger held the trigger firmly, his hand steady with determination. He couldn't help but smile at the thought of freedom and weight of what felt like a thousand years soon to be lifted. In that moment everything seemed to fade away. He felt no fear, no despair, nothing. He was just seconds away from serenity when someone shoved him to the ground straddling him and forcing the weapon from his hand.

"What the hell are you doing?" screamed the voice of his younger brother.

Opening his eyes he was met with the face of a very confused Sam.

"Why don't you go suck some blood demon boy and leave me the hell alone."

"That's not fair and you know it Dean. I'm tried of you throwing that in my face besides I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what you were doing with a damn gun aimed at your head."

The older male pushed the taller man aside and both made their way to their feet one not taking their eyes off of the other.

"Listen Sam it was nothing, alright, so just drop it."

The younger man sighed and ran a hand through his hair in frustration. His brother always manages to shut down when he conversation gets tough. It was obvious that the man was hurting and suffering with things he couldn't even imagine but didn't he know that he was here for him?

"You know that you're not in this alone Dean. I'm here for you man but you have to talk to me. I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

Dean rolled his eyes, shook his head and stepped forward towards Sam.

"Where was all of this love and trust when you were out playing vampire with the demon bitch?"

"You can keep dancing around this all you want to Dean but it won't change the fact that you were about to..."

"Don't you dare say it Sam. You have no idea what I was going to do ok. So just stop trying to play head Dr. Phil and give me some space."

He was about to walk away when Sam grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to face him.

"I'm sorry but you don't get to walk away this time."

The blond was about to respond but was cut off.

"I'm sorry for everything. I've made all the wrong choices and I put you in a bad position and I wish that I could change it but I can't. I know what Dad put on you and how hard it's been sacrificing not only for me but for every person that we've saved. But I will not let you think that you're so much of a failure that you're useless because there are innocent people out there who need you. Not to mention a pain in the ass little brother who still needs you around."

It was at this point that the older Winchester realized that his self inflicted bitch out had been over heard. He was gearing up to mouth off one of his smartass come backs but was cut off for a second time.

"I also think that it's time that you let go of what happened in hell. You did what you had to do Dean and no one can blame you for that. Plus with the amount of lives that you've saved, that we've saved, we have to be allowed to fall from grace a time or two. Listen, at the end of the day we're only human. We know that we've made some mistakes along the way and saving people, hunting the true evil of the world is our penitence. Not many people understand what we have to deal with and that's why we have to talk to each other so that a night like this doesn't ever happen again. You look after me and I look after you. That's the way it should be. It will keep us from falling apart."

A smile played on the corners of his lips. However he made sure to hide it. He allowed the silence to hand in the air for a moment before walking towards the door to their hotel room.

"Wow Sammy if you're done with your little chick flick moment I'm going to watch a game or porn or something. Please feel free to join me. Unless of course you're going to stay out here and burn your bra"

Sam raised his hands in surrender knowing that he had gotten through to his thick skulled sibling.

As Dean walked ahead he could hear the man's foot steps behind him as he stuck the key in the door and turned the knob. Stopping short the man looked over his shoulder.

"Thanks Sammy"

The younger male simply nodded his head.

The pair entered the room each lost in their own thoughts. But as they sat together, watching the game, one thought or rather one promise was the same on the minds of both Winchester boys.

**"I'll look after you"**


End file.
